So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize