you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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