So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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