We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize