i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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