That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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