we're chasing vodka with high fives
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize