If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize