dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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