I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize