sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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