The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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