i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize