I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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