The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize