soooo we both peed the bed last night...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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