I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize