Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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