and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize