i think my mom watched the whole time
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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