i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize