we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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