I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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