everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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