its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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