yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sarcasm needs its own font
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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