We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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