Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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