If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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