fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize