Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize