the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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