My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize