We're facebook friends in real life
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize