I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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