We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
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There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize