dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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