did you get engaged???
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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