I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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