you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize