I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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