I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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