Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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