I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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