So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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