A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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