I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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