so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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