his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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