Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize